Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
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