Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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