What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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