Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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