you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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