You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
there is another microwave in the elevator.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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