We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
