i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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