Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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