drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
