I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Randomize
