You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
