wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
