This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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