SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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