do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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