You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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