kristin has been a bad kristin
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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