I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
