We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
