Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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