im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
