also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
you would pick up someone in the library
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I have tasted many bathrooms
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
