Yo dont text me then not text me
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
