If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
