drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
