Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
