I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
