Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
