i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
