What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
