fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
