Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
