i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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