i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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