If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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