One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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