just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
