think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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