I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
