His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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