oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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