i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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