I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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