I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
