im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
