I got chris browned last night
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
