ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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