I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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