just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
