The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
