started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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