There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
