yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
