Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
