if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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