You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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