drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
