We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I checked into jail on foursquare
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I will pee on everything he values.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
