its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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