people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
