I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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