i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
