I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
