Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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