I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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