You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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