is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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