So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
My liver just had a heart attack.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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