Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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