Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Couch. On fire.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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