His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
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It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
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If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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