My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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