I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
