So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
